The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So vagazzling was a success
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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