I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
