he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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