I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Randomize
