ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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