It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
