Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
