what day is it and did you see me today?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
