So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
