I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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