FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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