and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
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I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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