I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
