he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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