I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
