dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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