Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
