Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
