Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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