This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
