Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
