I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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