I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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