either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
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I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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