If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
