Cold hands, warm shart.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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