We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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