the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
