Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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