Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
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My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Panties = found
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