I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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