Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
