Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
