I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
