just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
