I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
