Your tits are I can't wait for
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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