3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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