Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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