I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
