Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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