so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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