Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
