if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
How's work?
Spinning.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
