It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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