We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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