You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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