You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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