I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
