I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Someone signed my nipple.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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