My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
