She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
