i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
