please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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