Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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