Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
