i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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