the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
