I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
