Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My dick has a subreddit
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
