Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
