My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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