So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
