so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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