you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Let's get the cat blown out
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
