I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize