The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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