its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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