u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
