Plan B is the new Plan A
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
