So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
