I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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