you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
