i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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