i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
