the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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