I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize