A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
