Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My penis needs a shock collar
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
