): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
