The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
