My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize