I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm just crazy horny about you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
