I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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