I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
