You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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