Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
